


touches and tactility

by artsycat



Category: Bleach
Genre: F/M, angsty i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-18
Updated: 2017-08-18
Packaged: 2018-12-16 20:10:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11836152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artsycat/pseuds/artsycat
Summary: The three times Rukia and Ichigo have held one another, and the one time where she’s content that they don’t.





	touches and tactility

* * *

_“But break, my heart, for I must hold my tongue.” -_ Hamlet Act 1, Scene 2.

* * *

 _One_.

Ichigo touches her hesitantly at first, his palms – calloused and rough, almost abrasive in a sense – brushing over her own. She can almost feel the shyness radiating off his skin, and without a second’s delay, she wraps their hands together, intertwining them, sealing them completely.  

She thinks about the way their hands fit together, carved and molded. As though her hand was only ever made to be held in his.

At the thought of that, there is fear, but it flickers away after a second, because just the thought – just the thought of this, of her and Ichigo, is enough to make her knees quake and give out from under her.

But there is comfort, and Ichigo’s hand, as rough as it is, is soft as well. There is comfort, and warmth, and that small twinge of hope that Ichigo has always seemed to carry around him. And all Rukia wants to do is to be a part of that, to lean towards him, to hold him in her arms and say all the things that this simple act of holding hands seems to already do so.

 _Two_.

There was a hole in Rukia’s middle not too long ago, and if she tries very hard, she can almost delude herself into thinking it’s still there. She can almost imagine Ichigo’s face, wide eyed and his shaky intake of breath. She can almost imagine the force of her will fading into nothingness.

But she is still alive, and the hole in her middle is gone, but Ichigo does not look at her. Does not meet her inspecting eyes. Doesn’t give a snarky remark. She wants to say,  _fool_ , she wants to say,  _you cannot protect me forever,_  because as strong as Ichigo is, as strong as his presence is, he is still human in the end of it all, and she opens her mouth to tell him so.

But his back is facing her, and as she moves towards him, her steps have become quieter and her mind has become hesitant, and before she even realizes it, she is very, very close to him.

His face is not towards her, but she knows that he is clenching his eyes shut, his eyebrows drawn together as he stifles either a shout or a sob.

She brings her hand towards his shoulder, slow and tentative, and abandoning all sense of reason, she leans towards him, her arms wrapping around his waist.

A few seconds later, and he brings his own hands to touch hers.

 _Three_.

The last time she touches him, is the last time she ever sees him.

He is old and graying, and very, very fragile. But he still has the strength to stand and laugh. Of course, she shouldn’t be surprised. It is Ichigo, and Ichigo is nothing but his stubbornness and she hopes that it is the one thing that will never leave him.

There is a knot in her chest she has only ever noticed in times such as these. Times when she thinks she will lose him and he will no longer remember her, and Rukia is nothing but a jumbling mess in those moments, saying words she does not know what they mean, and performing actions that she herself does not know the reason behind.

This time, it is Ichigo who touches her without any hesitancy. There is no doubt, no falter in the way he brings his palm up to her face, his thumb caressing over her cheekbone as he looks at her with a gaze that reminds her of the sun.

She closes her eyes instinctively when she feels him leaning in. He presses his lips against the top of her head, and although it isn’t what she’s expecting, Rukia cannot help the sigh that escapes her mouth and the feeling of warmth that caresses all over her skin.

When she leaves, she knows that this will be the last time they ever see each other, that it will be the last time he will ever remember her. So not looking at him, not giving him a single glance, does not hurt as much as looking at him would have.

 _Four_.

When Rukia shuts her eyes one last time, she dreams about the sun embodied into a boy with strangely coloured hair, a scowl set in face, but with a heart larger and kinder than anything in this world.

Rukia thinks about Ichigo for the last time, but in this moment of death, she thinks she has never felt more alive.

**Author's Note:**

> if you liked this please, please review. it'd mean the whole world to me.


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